i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
