Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
