The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
