The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
