I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
