Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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