Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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