He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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