did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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