dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
