Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
