haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
