I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
