I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
