Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
