Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
