I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
