one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
