Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
