Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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