last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
