if you like me you must not know who I am
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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