seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
