Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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