i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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