P.S. I can't hear my feet
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
