3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
