There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
