no, he came in my armpit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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