nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
