i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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