so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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