Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
