His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
