Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't think brook has ever known best
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
