Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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