The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
