Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
