Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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