It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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