i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
