the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
