Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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