my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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