we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
