he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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