Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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