She said her name was "party"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
