Yo dont text me then not text me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
