Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
